thyladaye

thyladaye

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I just wanted 101% of your love all along.

[Apr. 14th, 2008|07:30 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	jealous	]
[	Current Music	\|	Tears don't fall - Bullet for my valentine	]

Let's go!

With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going on
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make it better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

The moments died, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going on
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make it better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time

Let's go!

Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going on
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make it better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come 

Better!

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

---

Laughs.
Another feel good song aye !
Especially when my mood gets really low >:(

---

Had Mac breakfast with Boyfriend today.
FINALLY HUH!? After like..4-5 months or so ?!
Just us this time , like way back to the past.
Nobody else.
I must admit that the feeling was so wrong this time though.
It didn't felt like how it should be.
Rush.Rush.Rush
Fuck , i hate to be in the rush.
ESPECIALLY when i am eating.
I like it slow and nice.
He didn't even managed to send me to the interchange.
But i guess that's fine?
I have been going to the interchange by myself for 5 months already.
Used to it.
I swear it was really screwed.
But still , i thank God for the breakfast and all.
After countless of failed attempts to meet up for ONE pathetic breakfast.

---


School was alright i guess.
I was really emo and all during Maths & Science.
For some reasons.
I suddenly thought about some stuffs.
Really random.
I tend to scare myself and set my mind thinking really way too much at times -.-
Had literature skit today too.
Girlfriend didn't participate as she had to go for Home Ec practical test.
So Mdm.N was like asking us to vote if she deserves any marks (?)
I discussed with Mdm.N thereafter.
Managed to save girlfriend with some marks!
Or else she's gonna fail Literature.
Say you love me girlfriend!
C'mon! :D

---

Called Boyfriend when i reached home.
He just boarded the bus from school.
Distressingly inadequate :/
He said he wanted to rest (?)
So left him to rest and hung up the phone.
Was thinking of some stuffs then.
And...till now.
I'm still thinking -.-
& Oh , he just came for barely 10 minutes and left.
*Applauds*

---

Goodness.
You told you're tired and you just walked off like that ?
Woah , so the solution to everything now is just to walk away ?
For Pete's sake , do yourself a favor and be a man.
Face it.
I'm exhausted too k ???
It's not just ' me , myself and i '
Hell , in a relationship , who the fuck uses the word 'i' ?!
Love is 'we' and never 'i' 
In laymen's term , Love is unconditional.

Jealousy kills.
Do you not know ?
Did i not tell you countless of times before ?
You choose to take the risk.
Go on , have fun for all i care.
Unnecessary chats that could be avoided , you chose to go ahead with it.
What more can i say ?
I guess all guys are jerks (?)
They can't even fulfill the slightest things.
A girl just want the slightest sense of security.
To love them faithfully , endlessly.
Love them right.


" 我不配 "

If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn’t have hurt me like I ain’t shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly

I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don’t know how I could do you so wrong

I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one else could know you
You’re number one, always in my heart
And now I can’t believe that our love is torn apart

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Now i've walked this line a thousand times before it hurts to much to bear.

[Apr. 9th, 2008|07:28 am]

[

Current Mood

FrustratedLethargicConfused

]

My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.
Don't let our memories and love come to an end.
Blame nobody if it does,
but yourself for not cherishing it.

1) Some love and security. You know, it's not easy being a girl. Being a girl... I don't know. I suppose there's some kind of hormones in us that's just plain... Paranoid. You know. Security. It matters a lot to girls. We just need to know that you'll always be there & that we'll never lose you. I emphasize on the word "need" because it's really a necessity for us, girls. When you get into a relationship, it's understood that security should come with the package before the girl even before the girl starts making a fuss out of the whole " I AM SO INSECURE" issue.

2) Constant care and concern. Ya, because we're so insecure and everything. We need to be reassured. & the only way, we can be reassured is through your constant care and concern. We might do the stupidest thing on earth just to catch your attention, just for you to care. We might message/call you just to tell you the most trivial of details, just for you to know, just to give you a chance to be caring and concerned about us. This is just the way girls are you know. We're just like that, it can't really be changed.

3) To be heard. Like it or not, girls are 100% attention seekers regardless of what we say. We LOVE attention, and when we don't get our well-deserved attention, we go "bonkers". We need attention 24/7. That's probably why a girl generally talks A LOT MORE than a guy does. & Because we need attention, we expect that mobile phone of yours to always be right beside you. We need the attention. So give it to us. Tell us we're pretty when we bother to dress up just for you. Pick up the phone when we call you. Listen to us when we talk.

Fuck it.
I'm off to school.
Kthxbye.

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Do you feel the way i feel

[Apr. 8th, 2008|11:08 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	disappointed	]
[	Current Music	\|	I will always love you - Whitney Houston	]

Flames to dust 
Lovers to friends 
Why do all good things come to an end

Is it true romantic love a once-in-a-lifetime experience; something you share only with your soulmate?
Or is it everywhere and anywhere, like so many ephemeral fireflies you can grasp within your palm
it lasts as long as you work hard enough to make it work?

I'm just not contented with life for now.
I don't know why exactly.
Ups and downs ,
through it all ,
i kept it to myself.
Cause nobody bothered to lend a listening ear.
Which is why , things are like this today.
Learn to listen - you'll learn to understand better.
Instead of blabbering on and on senselessly.
I'm just really disappointed and sad.
I hope you understand that feeling.
Cause you went through it before too.

Set love free.
If it's meant to be yours ,
it will come back to you rightfully.

I'm off.
Kthxbye.

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Have i told you lately that i love you ?

[Apr. 5th, 2008|01:16 am]

[

Current Mood

confused

]

I wonder how many people would hate or revere me if I actually blogged everything I think about.

But sometimes I think it's what we really, secretly want -
Something to fuel our love for never-ending complaints, something to unite us and reinforce the prevalent herd mentality,
Something to talk about.
We're scandal-whores waiting to flog the tiniest bit of controversy to death.

More than anything, I need someone to pluck me from the craziness of everyday activity , responsibilities, senseless arguments ,
the violent maelstrom of questions and nagging doubts and insecurities in my own head; buy me a drink, and just share my silence.
I'm tired of being judged, of struggling to keep up with myself and the rest of the world, of sweeping shit under the carpet.

-

If you haven't seen me online lately, or heard from me, it's because I don't want to be found.
My life has been rather quiet recently, and I like it like this (at least for the time being) -
I have, in fact, put in considerable effort to ensure that it stays this way.
It's nothing personal, trust me.
Just that these days, I need some quiet time.
The only people I want to talk to nowadays are my really close friends and boyfriend.
Again, it's really nothing personal, so please don't take offense.

-

I think one of the worst feelings in the world is knowing you don't mean as much to someone as he or she does to you.
Not just in the cliched, sappy drama serial watching-the-boy-you-like-kiss-another-girl way -
the little things you do for someone who doesn't realise the effort you go to to make him or her smile,
the good friend who only calls when she needs something from you.

It's definitely, infinitely worse when romantic feelings are involved of course.
When you give everything you can; all of yourself, your time, your emotions -
into a relationship, and you have no sure way of knowing that you're going to reap what you sow.
That it'll be worth it and that at the end of the day you're going to be happy and it won't turn into devastation,
humiliation, confusion.
The jewel in the rough you see might refuse to shine no matter how hard you try to polish,
and you might not be able to make the boy you love grow into a man,
or the woman who's always been cool and aloof say "I love you" because she's afraid to take a leap of faith.

-

I just don't really know what to do right now.
I can't trust my heart for now , it's so complex that i can't figure where it wanna lead me to.

" If you really wanna be with me ,
   i will love you endlessly ,
   one thing i really wanna know ,
   will this end or will this grow ? "

I just really wanna know th one true answer from your heart to that question above.
Cause i wanna play no game , no trial & error.
Cause everyday , every minute , every second , every moment , i'm dying to love you more.
Don't wanna live another day without your love.
Don't even close my eyes and wake up to find you not by my side anymore.
it's cause every day is a new day ,
every day i feel rejuvenated , a new day , a new love , a fresh start , a new beginning.
I just pray for tomorrow to be a better day.
And i really hope whatever i said and happened earlier , sets you thinking for awhile.
And NSJW baby , i love you.
Forever.

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Everything means nothing if i ain't got you baby.

[Apr. 4th, 2008|12:37 am]

[

Current Mood

pensive

]

Is there a certain lifeline for everybody?
Are we like cans of tuna that can expire after a very long time?

You know we've all been there.
To battle away on your phone keying the dearest words on your "Create Message" box in your phone and send an SMS to someone in excitement.
To whine and to bitch about the day's weather, the taxi driver's attitude and the littlest details in our everyday life. More often than not, this is to someone you might want to potentially be with or to someone whom you're fond of.

We'd run to the phone excitedly when our phone beeps and the messages come in and smile ridiculously to the phone while you hit the "Reply" button. But when reality checks in, after awhile, when both of you drift apart and nothing happens to the relationship and nobody takes the next move in the relationship, you realize that things start to get stale.

Either one of you are tired of replying the other.
Or that you no longer feel the jest in replying. Your answers are all one-word and you give the nonchalant attitude pretty much all the time.
Well, in laymen's term, "Half-fucked reply". So this makes me wonder, do we all have lifelines in someone else's life?
Can we expire after a really long time if the relationship does not move one step further?

Can we really get bored of messaging each other or talking to each other?

Must we wait till a tragic incident happen before we start talking to each other?

Life is fragile and all of us are growing old by the day. We are no longer kids in the playground without any fear. We'd play spiderman and run around half naked with barbie dolls in our hand screaming like every other little child in the playground. Until we run up the slide and accidentally miss a step and fall flat on our face. This is when we start to cry. This is when we taste pain. The aftermath of this pain is the feeling of fear. We no longer run around and up the slide because we've fallen through the deep "dark hole" called pain.

All of us have experienced loss in our own ways, and all of us know the pain of losing somebody.
But is it really necessary to create enemies along the way?
Or are we just a fragment of God's play?
We've all been through this - Love somebody so much and then you stop contacting them, and both of you drift apart. It happens to both relationships and friendship.

How can we love somebody so much (as a friend and as a partner) for so long and when circumstance arise, we let nature take its course and walk separate paths? Be it a quarrel, or that we move away, or we graduate? Is this what friends are for? We always say "That's what friends are for" when somebody is there for them in the times of need. We always say "That's what friends are for" when you have nobody to turn to but only them.

But truly, is that what friends are for? For them to walk out of your life into their next chapter of their life and only when tragic happens do we go back and start to talk to each other?

If that's the best reason to give, I think it's a pathetic excuse. What if you've been meaning to talk to this friend of yours, and the tragic befalls the exact same friend you've been meaning to talk to? What if it was me tomorrow? Or you in 5 years down the road?
How can we be sure the next one going up to heaven isn't you or me?
The truth is. We can't. And all we can do is just sit and wait for our turn to heaven and make the best out of today.

Instead of worrying about yesterday, and of what would happen tomorrow, why not worry about today?
Why not make the call and make the effort to try to salvage any bad relationships/friendships you've had?
Isn't that what friends are for?
The effort put in is absolutely necessary. We always give advice to our friends and tell them that it is only right to put in effort in the relationships we have.

But truly, all we are doing is shooting ourselves in the foot and eating our own words because do we practice what we preach? Really, do you practice what you preach?

If you can tell someone today that it takes two hands to clap in a relationship/friendship, are we doing it to the people that matters to us?

& to conclude..
NSJW , you were th one that made me who i am today.
Without you , i wouldn't be the person i am today.
I love you , truly.
Now & forever , I swear.

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